I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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