thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
