if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
