Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
