Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
