Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
