Sponge bath it is.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
