Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
