Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
