I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
