Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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