Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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