Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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