sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
