Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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