He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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