Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
