I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
