They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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