This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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