Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
