The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
