You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
