I'm jealous of your bromance
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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