Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
