I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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