Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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