Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
