As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
