My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
