And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
