When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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