Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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