So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
