Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
