New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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