that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
