so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
