They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
