i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
