so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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