so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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