i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
try to milk me bitch
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