Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
