VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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