I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
