The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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