my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
