You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
