She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
